Skip to main content

Before I go into the schematics

To be frank about this, I really have no idea what to say. I'm currently sitting on my bed as I have been doing for the past week now since this is part of my two-week holiday from class. This bumming isn't what I was hoping to do but since here I am, making the most out of it even barely making sense out of it, I'll just let it slip and hope to God everything will be for the better on the long run.

My head is feeling numb recently. As if a cacophony of discreet mobile vibrations were inside it, moving about and figuring out a way to dissect into my subconscious. It's a very annoying feeling, without any substance at all except misery and pain. I can't even use it to write the intended scripts properly. It's a curse, it is. This house. I just feel it in my gut. I know it.

Not all is bad though. Sometimes happiness comes in the form of invisible happiness from far away. Take, for instance: Johanna. Finally got herself to Finland all the way from Idaho. Such a lovely friend I met roaming around crawling the vast, tangled web. I was hooked the first moment I had with her, and never has this ever occurred to me. Never.

People can be nice in their own ways. There is this particular person whom I can't even slightly remember the name, but she sketched me something special. Something simple yet so appreciating to receive. This silly caricature of my alter-ego Paprika. Well I would have named her that directly if not for other people stealing that name in the process. Here it is in all its glory:



Now that the small pieces of the puzzle has cleared up, I think it's safe to assess the value of time. I was never good at making use of the time vested upon me, nor I think I will find any solution to this conflict of interest, but I think I can manage somehow. Not knowing when or how becomes the fundamental flaw however. As soon as my beauty rest comes to a full stop after this then I will try to figure something out. Hopefully make things a whole lot easier for all of us.

I have to worry as well on making something up for my pals in Saturday. Brazilian BBQ night all over again! Marvellous idea! I'm bringing something up on the table though I am not certain as to how I will be making the whole thing by myself. I need guidance by people familiar to this food mixing hullabaloo. My skills are far better off just the one consuming, but it would be shameful not to put my roundabout for others to enjoy. It's not like they've been taking from me my entire life since the get-go. I have to go and do groceries, and damn if I know what to buy for certain.

Popular posts from this blog

Snippet: In her darkest days, Elaine (worldbuilding), unfinished

Voices of strange busybodies could be heard on the other side of the edifice. Elaine reckoned she recognised one of them. An old friend. Perhaps not necessarily a friend, or not technically a friend. A friend is a rare commodity for her these days. She could walk right past them and not blink an eye, but Elaine waited for a little bit more until the lot toned down. Having a group of opposites around her, poking her skin through their eyes, meticulously making sure she was an enabler who to them an abundant source of entertainment, was all the reason needed to convince herself to back away from the complexity of it all. Home is an awful lot more awful than this place though, Elaine thought, as she gripped her handbag tightly, hoping the ray of darkness from the moon would envelope her and shield her from the attention of the lonesome trail.
"This would not have happened had you only listened to me, Elaine," complained Darco. "Half the people out there would skin us both…

Unprayer

Dark, darker, darkest, there is no difference. All hurts the same. Pain, everlasting, lingering. Pain, day and night. The hours are uncertain. Anything can happen now. Thinking about it hurts. Truth is unreliable. The romance is dead. My heart, it is lost. Unrecoverable, hateful, distrusting. Wishful, perhaps, but I have lost everything before and survived still. This one was special. So special. Embittered, the tip of my tongue tastes. The flavour of my life. Cuisine of kitchens unwanted. It burns, to the heart. I do not understand. I do not understand.

Me: Things that have happened to other people are happening in mine, the worst truly has come and not a moment too soon

My important wishes always happen to fall on deaf ears, and now something really, really bad (that has already happened before) is happening to me again. Beneath all the charade of misleading coulrotic bliss is a sad sap of a man merely wanting a bit of trust from everyone around him. Yesterday's news was Mioseon all over again, and it has drained me of all strength. The worst really has come, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.
So it goes without saying that the biggest tragedy I have ever undergone in my life is fighting for the life of my child whose face I will never see. The most perplexing event was having to beg over and over unknowingly oblivious to the fact that my words carry no weight at all. Mioseon had trapped me into a corner and made me complicit to a sin I tried very hard to disavow. Regardless, she had found a way, and judging from that experience, Miriam herself will submit me to the same torture all over again, guilty by association.
For some reason this wa…