Skip to main content

She's probably with her other half by now

So I guess this is good riddance? Hasta la vista? Time sure does fly quicker than one can imagine, that includes the pain and heartache from before. No worries for me. I can't blame the heart that fell last. To be in comfort with the arms of another, how I wonder. How does it start? How does it even finish? Or does it even finish at all? How do you know it exists? How do you know for certain its authenticity? How do you even acknowledge its presence, its fervour, its melancholy?

It slowly creeps in and out of the system, that I know of. It's not like I've never been in this situation. Hopeless romantics are a sight to behold. All that rage, that pent up frustrations, those displacing defence mechanism. Where does it all flow through? Who instigates it? Even the shortest moments, a mere second, may last an entire lifetime, affects you entirely, body and soul, and it becomes you, defines you in every little precise calculation you may or may not do. If you stand up or if you sit down, would one be able to recognise it? If you open your mouth and speak what it is that lingers in your mind, would you realise it is not the you that speaks but the character. Whatever this character is can it still be not you?

Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?

I woke up feeling half-baked today, physically and spiritually, and I'm a drug-free addict since birth. I knew something was unwell the moment people resonated unclear vibes around me at the workplace. 'Tis as if I carry some sort of virus that seethes and chews on those I come in contact with. My zodiac told me to do research and study. I understand the context perfectly but what I don't get is what to research about. I feel like I've been doing this since forever but without results. Mayhap the sense of urgency comes in the form of this wrinkly paper a lot of people seem to take for granted. I started to care. Just a tiny bit to give me a sense of reason. A reason to continue and resist this ginormous tug-o'-war, which is what I struggle to give meaning and value.

If not then someday I will go against what I hoped and aimed for, be the opposite and do things twice as fast and efficient as possible. Ruthless and notorious. Live in infamy. Be a target of ridicule but remain feared. That moment will soon come to a complete suddenness that even myself cannot be able to comprehend.

Popular posts from this blog

Strange Fruit

I had recently adorned a vow of silence for myself with Miriam for no apparent reason whatsoever other than to suit my whim, and, regardless of the pettiness associated with this misdemeanour, I pray this will only strengthen us both in spirit for the coming days. The coming days are definitely not meant for one such as me.
In the next few hours, not shortly before I am done with this piece, this vow will be disavowed. Miriam is sleeping soundly in my right, broken by the exhaustion that seemed to catch her unaware. This was not what she had prepared for when coming to London. This was not what I meant for her when I asked her to come. In order to alleviate the guilt of me making it more difficult for us both, I do what it is that I do best, and that is to love her hungrily and wildly. And some little bit of swag on the side to cure her state of frustration albeit temporarily.
My days are long and yet wields very little. For now I do and take whatever I can, whenever I can. A grand f…

Snippet: In her darkest days, Elaine (worldbuilding), unfinished

Voices of strange busybodies could be heard on the other side of the edifice. Elaine reckoned she recognised one of them. An old friend. Perhaps not necessarily a friend, or not technically a friend. A friend is a rare commodity for her these days. She could walk right past them and not blink an eye, but Elaine waited for a little bit more until the lot toned down. Having a group of opposites around her, poking her skin through their eyes, meticulously making sure she was an enabler who to them an abundant source of entertainment, was all the reason needed to convince herself to back away from the complexity of it all. Home is an awful lot more awful than this place though, Elaine thought, as she gripped her handbag tightly, hoping the ray of darkness from the moon would envelope her and shield her from the attention of the lonesome trail.
"This would not have happened had you only listened to me, Elaine," complained Darco. "Half the people out there would skin us both…

Decide my fate for me

As though the wind may pass with golden steps from shallow graves, the warmth of her hands could not defeat January weather in England, proving that tests of fate weigh heavier than the insidious intentions of a warring tribe. Perhaps it is high time I engage in other methods more worthy of personal consideration. She left me in the cold when my reality cloaked in malady was in full motion, sweating icicles in the interior, punching my guts in gutsy ups and gutsy downs. She was my meaning. She is my void.