Laughably bad, that was all it was. Laughing stock, and then some. No pity parties for me tonight. Tonight I find peace in whatever way. Tonight everything will turn out fine. I just can't speak for myself for tomorrow.
My chest was stuffed with feathery foam in order to provide a laugh or two for the spectators. I would if I could, not that I couldn't, more like should. The demand to collaborate is high. These are not my tipping points. I work better alone. I work better for better or worse.
As I was halted due to my extreme audacity, I knew nothing good would come soonafter. Hence I became something of a monstrous, cancerous, dangerous presence. Feeling the need to threaten and voided of choice. I look back and all I remember was my laboured, crooked smile directed at the person involved. It is no longer about plans for vindication. I have had a lot of shares of that struggle in this past couple of months which, sadly, amount to nothing. Those pathetic eyes linger and crossed lips whisper as I step forth, prepping for what is obviously an unprepped performance acknowledging my status as a hermit. To them I'm like an animal who gets beat up, kicked for his own shares of sentimental bullshitry, hanged on a synagogue for all to see.
These are no longer plans. Let nature take its course. Let it demand what is rightfully its.
Falling on hard times, I inhaled miniscule breath and exhaled a combustive firestorm. I went on with what I believe is what I know without it being compromised with the false pretence of 'right or wrong,' the 'this and that,' pushing through what is, for them, insolent, but for me freedom to express. I exerted a whole lot of energy out of my voice.
It dawned on me that the nightmare's over, that the entire box is to be shut down for the night.
There I loomed over my weaknesses, an opportunity to think back and point fingers without having to point at myself. After all, why would they try to change me now? There's no sense to it anymore.
My eyes were distraught, only them, because I woke up that day only to depress it for very little hours. I went to the toilet, almost felt the urge to throw my stuff to the sink out of whim, only there was someone there in one aisle to immediately find the need to greet me upon entering. And so a little conversation emerged between the two of us.
It was all that I needed to hear. I finally found someone, a doctor in his own merit, Dr. Voice, he calls himself, and a smile dawned upon me once more. Maybe...