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Dottore

Transcript for epic fucking fail:

Good day, boytoys and gentlemen! My name is Bruce Danus, a strategist, an obsessive dilettante, and writer of best-selling historiographic metafictions, A Gentle Molestation and A Winner is You.

You can visit my website at www.brucedanus.com for more details.

I am here today to proudly unveil my next greatest lordnovel yet.

Pre-order it now and get a lifetime supply of malfunction which will greatly aid readers who have then suffered from delusions of grandeur!

Before the unveiling I would like to share a little story about something: When I was young I married a woman from a boring country called Brassiere where every day people eat coxinha, horrible food made of elephant turd and monkey meat. She used to feed it to me, her mother, her sister, her sister’s mother’s sister, and every woman in the land. Ever since then I developed a longstanding loathing for women.

My wife eventually left me. I could hardly give a rat’s ass. Although my hatred for womenkind grew more and more.

According to the scriptures, in the beginning God made the Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. And ever since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Without further ado, I would like to introduce to all of you the genius that is me: Misogyny Makes Me Happy, a novel for the appreciation of male chauvinism. I’ve always held that belief that real manhood must be earned by merit.

Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property. That is a universal fact! It is also an arithmetical fact that women are evil.

According to one of the most clinquant minds of history, a man, Bollock O’Bauer, pioneer and great hero, who single-handedly revolutionised science with his formulation of the theory of relativity and chronosynclastic infundibulum quantum magnum magickum rectum bada boom bada boom biggus dickus philippatosa...

He said:

[white board]

Equality Schmality.

Women will never be equal to men unless they walk down the street with a bald head and beer gut, and still be able to think their sex is on fire.

Hold on a sec... [phone]

Splendid news! I’ve received word that my wife has died in a ‘freak’ accident (FUCK YEAH) and now I must hurry to attend the hearing for her last will and testament. Toodle-oo, bitches!

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