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Magkaliwanagan nga tayo

Kumakain sa aking isipan ang mga malabalahibong salita na gumapo sa dila ng kausap kong kay ganda. Hindi ko lubos maisip kung ako ba ay tunay ninanais o ginagamit lamang upang makamtan niya ang intensyon ng kanyang mga matatamis na pangarap. Habang malalim kong iniisip ito, lalo kong pinapatibay ang pagkumbinsi sa aking sarili na sa kabila ng lahat ng hirap at pagdurusa, masasabi ko sa aking puso na ako'y ganap na masaya.

Tumalikod ang kausap kong dilag at nagpaalam, ang gintong buhok nito'y umuuntol na parang buntot ng kabayo sa dilaw na sikat na araw, kanyang damit ay inaalon ng ginhawa ng mga espiritu. Siya'y ngumiti sa aking direksyon, kanyang bughaw na mga mata tumutusok sa aking pananaw, at ilong na napakatangos at masarap pisilin, at ang matambok nitong bibig na ubod ng senswalidad at karakter. 'Kita kits 'maya,' bulong niya sa akin na may kasamang ngiting nakakabighani.

Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi. Bakit? Bakit hindi ko maintindihan? Minsan panalo, minsan talo. Kung may sagot sa tanong ko, siguro hindi na akong mag-aabala pang magtanong.

Dahan-dahang lumiliit ang anino ng kanyang likod sa aking harapan hanggang ito'y naglaho't parang salaming lumalabo at hindi na mapansin. Biglang sumuntok sa aking isipan, bakit sa lahat ng pagkakataon at swerte ay may dalang kapalit na lungkot? Bakit nandiyan lagi't nakabuntot ang opsyong ito? Bakit kailangang marunong kang alamin na mayroong mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa atin na sa bawat swerte ay isang importanteng desisyong kailangan mong pag-isipang mabuti bago sagutin upang maibsan kahit papaano ang higpit ng pagsisisi na lagi na lang nasa huli?

Tinawanan ko na lang ang aking pagkapilosopo. Sa ngayon. Mamaya-maya, ito'y babalik at ako'y muling magmumuni sa ilalim ng ugat ng aking sensitibong isipan. Nilakad ko ang daang mahangin dala ang pangarap ng dalaga na aking ninasahan. At muli kong naranasang magkaroon ng ambisyong matamasan ang pagiging nasa sentro ng tuktok ng mundo.

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