Sunny Diaries - D13: Thirteen should be our lucky number
How many last days do we have here in Glasgow? Right now we seem to be stuck here for hours or days on end shuffling our gaits with hope that we can finally rest our legs and, more than anything else, our expenses. It has gotten out of hand as of late I fear that Mioseon will no longer have the resource to book herself a ticket back home some time this week. Everything is problematic given the time allotted and it seems to do us more good than harm to stay with each other than to sacrifice half a year to feel each other's warm embrace once more. We have overstayed our welcome here in Glasgow. It wasn't part of my plan. I should have governed this trip with an iron fist from the get-go. Now it looks as though tomorrow brings us an ounce of joy to return safely home to London and get our shit act together.
Nothing productive has been borne out of today's exploits roaming around Buchanan and Sauchiehall except for the extra time we had as a couple together. I know that once we step foot in London that it's more work for me to aid her in her struggle to fly back home to South Korea. I do not have enough financial resources to provide her with an airplane ticket. I do, but none would be left for me which should prove handy after she departs, but it seems to me now that romance blooms first than anything should I give her that privilege. That responsibility falls back to me because of the promises that my tongue lulled her to hear. It's come back to bite me hard and rough. Our life as a couple proves much more challenging than I could ever bear to imagine. Even our recent quarrels have at some point gotten out of hand in situations I could never again reverse, which might even decide our fate in the long run, I fear. Nothing goes according to plan, and the risks that I take could alienate me from her more than anything. All these futile attempts to prove my worth are facades to counteract my weaknesses, and it shows ever so clearly at each minor slip. Those japes that I have incurred build up into mildly serious confrontations, and from there I find myself in an utterly deep shit situation.
The money isn't even assured, as I need to bypass my freefolks back in London. I do not wish to create any more confusion than there is, and I do not wish to incur myself more anguish and headache due to these circumstances. My only option is to go with what is readily available at hand and fight for it. At whatever costs. I love Mioseon dearly now and I'm proud to announce that even though I weren't sure I was some weeks or months ago. I love her more than I love her, more than I say I love her, more than I love myself. The grief introduced to us by the passing of circumstance are unbearable to fathom let alone live with. I have lived a difficult love life, but I'd live it difficult than none at all.
We should be back in London by tomorrow, by hook or crook. The sleeper buses heading there should no longer be of concern to us, all I need is the complete annihilation of distraction and procrastination.The lust for the finer things in life, as do we all. All these things are what keeps me weak. What keeps me away from the real goal in mind. I need Mioseon more than anything to accomplish this feat, but losing her is inevitable, the pain unbearable, the torture unrelenting.
Please let this arc of my life pass so that I may move on, together with my love beside me, through cheese and harmony, hook or crook, death do me part. That's all I want and I wish our affair peace.