A Gallivanter's Prayer

-
I dig my toes into the sand. The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across the blue blanket.
I wish to dig my own toes into that sand. I'm ready. I've been trying to prepare myself mentally for weeks on end now. Only that my body fails to push what my mind procrastinates to do. Now is as good a time as any to heal. The process of healing is long overdue.

Before my father left the country this past week, I realised now that I have two folding bicycles in possession. How ironic it is then that that's the case. I just want let go of a tear swelling up in my eye that just wouldn't let go, but it hesitates. There is no reason to do it. If a tear falls down in an empty forest and no one was there to see it fall, does it still fall?

Purpose. That was the intention the last time before the last time I was away. The last time I was away it was out of necessity. A mummer in a stranger's land: South Korea, where my joy turned to ashes and swallowed by a gaping pit of murderous intent. But before that, the adventure I found myself in was grand. Who was I to complain? Sure, there was plenty of self-loathing and burning desires to find belongingness, this one is no different. When my eyes found that beauty in a hostel kitchen, sparks did not empty the room of loud exposition, and yet we fell in love. I fell in love so hard, and I made a terrible mistake of opening that vulnerable side of me to someone who felt could not give equally as mine ever did.

This time I have my aptly-named bicycle, Nicharm, with me to discover new things. All I need is a shove, but I have no one here to urge me. This trip is dedicated to you, my love, wherever you are and whoever you're with.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Man bites dog

-
Trying to make sense of slowly kicking things into gear. Making it make do is harder than it sounds. Feels like a carousel of wanting to go all in and making a mess of it and starting all the way back to zero; tail bites snake, man bites dog. It seems as if this purpose has no purpose tangentially, but it is slowly working its way back up, I do believe. Only in the chaos of it all does one permit itself the meaning of its purpose, to pick it up amongst the debris while all else is suffering intraordinarily, as it should be. No matter what the chaos brings, even the brittle mortality herein that is slowly withering.
Read more

Seed is strong

-
If the intention too close to the bone, I would have already done it. Amongst so many attempts, the results always seem to default to close but no cigars. This whole effort is fatiguing, if not intoxicating in equal measures. Tired of all the resistances and the rejections and the mindgames of it all. Otherwise it would have simply been a dire misunderstanding, which is an all too common motif when it comes to me, and apparently shared amongst so many others if I were to be completely blunt. Some of the seedlings have sprouted, even in such short amount of time.
Read more

Moonlight shines upon the guilty and innocent alike

-
Image
The sky tore its veil wide open, gasping, at the severe penalty of the accursed weather condition. 'I must not weep,' it cries. 'This pity party is never my most appealing trait.' Therefore he gave way for the ground to mature and thus making progress at the marvel of the greens. He stood on top overseeing the bounties its children may yet offer at the behest of the moon whose mischievous master ever burns brightly at the break of day. It gave way for life to flourish thus organisms began to roam the earth. Different species abound immediately at the development caused by the sky, and his pride bloomed even moreso, drawing more air into its cloudy bodies and helped sustained the new world around it. Like a nurturing mother whose task was to manifest love, it sparks its potential, hearken to their pious needs, and punishment for their indiscretions. Long lived harmony and prosperity. Burning for a reason to thrill, the sky willed itself to aim more higher in its desire
Read more