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Showing posts from April, 2015

Rant

High time to break bad when a day turns your whole life around. That's all it takes. One bad day, one big joke, and history repeats itself. I tell myself every single day it's time to go, move your butt, and I never heed my own voice, out of fear for what's out there. It's a meaningful experience out there, full of the uncertainties of life, but it's a heavy burden to bear once again. Especially now.
But now it really is the time to go, I cling on to something like a frightened mouse. I am admittedly frightened, for my life, even though there's nowhere else going for me but up. I just wish I didn't have to go through this all on my own, but it wouldn't be like this had I been alone anyway, so... que sera.

Me You Sun: excerpt

It was always hard to determine whether or not my father was mad at me at one particular moment. He'd always come up to me with a wide grin on his face one moment and lean his forehead on mine and say, “You are the greatest gift life has ever given me.” And it completes my day, only to see it fade away a few minutes later when he rages about me being unappreciative without having done anything to rue him. It's been really difficult with his mood swings. Sometimes I just thought of leaving him and going somewhere else on my own, build my own stories and all that jazz. I just couldn't. Not without swallowing a sense of guilt I could do without. So I linger on, waiting for the day life will do its own magic, while I'm stuck here waiting for god knows what and lord knows when.
Five days ago was my twenty-eighth birthday. I almost couldn't guess the right number had I not peeked into my Facebook profile. I celebrated the occasion by lying in bed all day whilst people g…

The trail of contrail

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This is to commemorate my initial ruination; a day of eternal mourning. 15042015

Time won't waste...

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... and we just learn. 15042015

Ritual

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Ritual @ Hammersmith Park 15042015

Spring

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Spring @ Hammersmith Park 15042015

Autopathy: the wrong kind of depression

Shots of whispers, paper money on the background. My father walks away and never looks back. Like I care. We worship monkeys on a sidewalk. They cry in epiphany. Bounce... bounce... bounce... tell him that.
What's my world to do when all else fails? Your world might be different, but who's fighting who? So I take the stairs, spiralling peacefully out of control, when the physician gave me the deal. There is a benign tumour inside me waiting for the right moment to strike. Cancerous? Maybe. Will it be fatal? Fucking hope that would be the case, then I go Walter White on everyone's ass. You only live once, that's what I would have said. You only love once, too, but that's out of the question.
No one really understands how the rock loses to paper in rock-paper-scissors. No one understands how elephants lose to mice, either. No matter how doe-eyed Mickey will be, one simple misstep and he dies to a mammoth. A mammoth with a gift of gab like my mum, sneaky everlasting,…